Kirk’s Apptitude Tip #1: Do Not Personalize Anything...EVER

If you have a thin skin, use hookup and dating apps at your own peril. At times, despite (and possibly because of) your open-heartedness, you will be scratched and clawed — possibly even emotionally mangled.

When we text strangers, so much can be misconstrued and lost in translation. Expect rejection, ridicule and ghosting from time to time. And never forget, you are dealing with the general public. (Ever been to a big box store on Black Friday? ‘Nuf said.) There are a lot of unconscious people in the world and attractions can go south quickly.

In the Trump era, where bullying and harassment have sadly become a staple of the American landscape, prepare yourself for the worst of humanity to rise up like a Whack-a-Mole and under no circumstance personalize the ugliness and mean-spiritedness of those who hate. Their karma will be their own reward, not yours. Haters will project their own shadows onto you. Not only don’t these men have a clue how wonderful you are, they most likely lack the capacity to even ask the right questions to find out. (You may read that last sentence again. You’re welcome.)

Over time, your radar will improve and you will learn to avoid negative people like STDs. Your capacity for rejection will also increase as you reach the glorious safe haven of indifference and equanimity that I call “The Fuck It Stage.” (Welcome, we’ve been expecting you.)

RECOMMENDATION: Block mean people and MOVE ON!

CAVEAT: If negative feedback from others is consistent, remember, YOU are the common denominator. It’s time to look in the mirror, eat your humble pie, get some emotional guidance, and get back on the horse. Also, if you’re being unkind, remember, you get what you give. Karma becomes an even bigger ass kicker as we grow as spiritual beings.

Kirk’s Apptitude Tip #3: Don't Swipe Left Tooooo Quickly

While pictures may be worth a thousand words, such is not always the case with profile pics. Some people will look (and feel!) much better to us in person than their pixelated facsimiles. For others, the opposite will be true. This may sound obvious, but let’s not forget the takeaway:

Bypass those you are physically on the fence about at your own detriment because you won’t know until you hang out and spend time together if there is actual attraction and resonance. Some truly attractive people just don’t photograph well. And, a pretty face with a bad attitude can turn ugly pretty quickly.

Always consider that an amazing personality, intelligence and character can make an average looking person beautiful and vice versa. It often simply requires time and a deepening of perception.

Also, why limit searching to sex and dating when new wonderful platonic friendships may also be forged via apps. Who knows, you may have just skipped over a new best friend. That would be unfortunate, especially since friends tend to have a longer shelf life than lovers and that friend may even introduce you to your next lover or partner who is a fixture of their social network.

RECOMMENDATION: Give people the benefit of the doubt even if you think there is only a small chance of connection. You may be pleasantly surprised.